Instead of “How are you?”
Try “Are you getting enough sleep?”, “What are you feeling like this morning/afternoon/evening?”
A simple “how are you” often leads to the automatic answer of “I’m fine.” Unfortunately, we know that many new moms are not fine since 1 in 7 new moms will experience mental illness. New moms face a lot of worry, stress, and feelings of overwhelm. By asking a more specific question, you are more likely to get an authentic answer and an opportunity to provide support.
Instead of “Don’t you love being a mom?”
Try “Being a new mom is challenging – what are you experiencing?”
Assuming that a new mom is enjoying every moment of her experience can make her feel isolated, alone, or failing at motherhood. She may feel like she can’t express her challenges for fear of being judged. Acknowledging the struggles of caring for a new baby and asking how mom is coping will likely lead to more honest feedback.
Instead of “Do you need anything?”
Try “Can I go to the grocery store for you?”, “Can I help with laundry?”, “Can I watch the baby so you can take a shower?”
If you want to ask questions that will help you support the new mom in your life, it’s best to be specific and let her know exactly what support you can provide. This will make it easier to accept help and an exhausted new mom won’t have to use mental energy to think of ways that you can help her.
Through 9 comprehensive maternity hospitals, RWJBarnabas Health proudly delivers the most babies in New Jersey. We are committed to partnering with and empowering women and families with knowledge and support throughout their birthing journeys—from the moment they consider starting a family to ongoing postpartum. Learn more about Maternity Care at RWJBarnabas Health.