"I am forever grateful for my treatment team and the entire staff at the EDU for helping me get my life back."
I knew that I had an eating disorder for quite a while, however I was too scared to get appropriate treatment. Upon starting with a new outpatient dietician, I was told that outpatient was no longer the appropriate level of care for me; inpatient care is what I needed. I ignored what my dietician said and went about my day. The following week I was confronted by my outpatient therapist and told that outpatient care was no longer appropriate.
My therapist made a referral to Robert Wood Johnson Somerset Eating Disorder Unit and the following week I went for an evaluation. At the end of my evaluation, my doctor recommended that I go inpatient. Looking back, I was clearly in denial and asked for IOP or Partial Hospitalization. He didn't budge though. I finally agreed to go inpatient after many tears and much hesitation. I also found out that day that there was a slight abnormality with my heart.
I was admitted to the inpatient unit the following week. When I first arrived I was so scared and very anxious All of the staff and patients were so nice and helpful. I cried for the first few hours and I just wanted to go home. The next nine days would consist of me doing what I needed to do to get out of inpatient. I completed my meals, participated in groups and wrote in my journal every day. I dealt with being uncomfortable long enough to leave inpatient. Nine days after I was admitted, I was discharged.
A little background on me: I have a Master's Degree in Mental Health Counseling and I am a therapist. Treatment was very difficult for me to accept because I thought that I was supposed to be okay all of the time. I felt that this was not supposed to happen to me and that I was supposed to be okay. I was in denial about the eating disorder and tried dictating my entire treatment because I needed to be in control. I am a very persistent and determined individual; a bit stubborn too. These characteristics hindered me in the beginning of treatment.
After leaving the inpatient unit, I sat in my car for 15 minutes after being discharged because I felt badly about leaving. I felt I was doing the wrong thing. I started Partial Hospitalization that week and continued into the following week. Almost right away, I started using behaviors again. A week and two days after I left inpatient, I was re-admitted inpatient. This time, I asked to go back inpatient.
For the next 17 days, I worked very hard inpatient and really dealt with things. I did not try to dictate my treatment this time. I surrendered and was able to let go and allow my treatment team to make appropriate decisions regarding my treatment. I took those 17 days to really heal. It was not easy at times, but in the end I was very thankful that I went back inpatient. I was eating normally and I was able to go home three days before Christmas.
I was a bit apprehensive about leaving inpatient this time because of my difficulties when I left inpatient the first time. I am writing this blog post almost a month and a half after my second discharge from inpatient and I am doing great. In fact, I am being discharged from Partial Hospitalization today! Over the past few weeks, I have continued to work very hard towards recovery. There were a few ups and downs but I was able to get through them without using behaviors.
Looking back to 2 1/2 months ago, I see now that I was very sick. I didn't see it at that time. If I could change anything about my treatment process, I wouldn't change anything. This was the process that I was meant to go through and every part of the process happened for a reason. I've learned that it is not about the food. Each time that I struggle now (yes, it still happens), I have to take a step back and figure out what is really going on for me.
I am forever grateful for my treatment team and the entire staff at the EDU for helping me get my life back. I know in my heart that I am going to be okay now. I know that recovery is possible because I have done it. Those characteristics of persistence and determination that I mentioned earlier in this post have really been an asset in recovery.
Once I am in recovery for a few years, I plan to specialize in the treatment of eating disorders. I am thankful for what I have gone through because without it I would not have the empathy and compassion needed to effectively help someone with an eating disorder and other various mental health issues.
Thank you for listening to my story!
Jennifer England, MS, LAC, NCC