The following was prepared by the Saint Barnabas Medical Center NICU Family Advisory Council for their Spring 2020 Newsletter:
For years NICU parents, like you, have been practicing excellent handwashing and “social distancing,” in the form of limiting visitors, to help keep their ill and premature babies as healthy as possible. In this era of COVID-19, the rest of the world has finally joined us in these habits, so we are not “strange” or alone anymore. For years, NICU parents have had to deal with worries about our babies struggles to eat, to grow, and breathe. But now, there are also worries about our and all of our loved-ones’ health, possibly being out of work or having reduced income, homeschooling our other children, lifestyle changes and more due to COVID-19. We are challenged with the uncertainties of the NICU and the world as a whole. It’s clearly an even more difficult time than ever to be a NICU parent due to all the stressors and worries that are being juggled. So, what can you do?
- Remember you are not alone in your feelings. A certain amount of worry, and even grief, as a NICU parent is normal, especially the first few weeks your baby is in the NICU. However, the most important thing you can do as a parent is to be open and honest with medical providers and friends/family about how you feel. Let your OB/GYN, internist, and NICU staff know if you are struggling emotionally. There are currently many therapists and psychiatrists offering virtual appointments for people who need them so ask a professional about this. People can’t help you if they don’t know you need help and they can’t read your mind.
- The NICU Social Worker (973-322-5503) can help you while you are in the NICU and can help you find resources for help outside the NICU if needed. Call her or ask a NICU nurse to direct you to her office.
- The NICU Family Advisory Council Coordinator (Hayley, 973-214-6970) is currently offering virtual zoom-type groups to provide information and support for the current NICU families. Groups take place every Wednesday from 12:30 to 2:00 pm (use code to the right to join) and the 1st and 3rd Sunday of each month from 8:00 to 9:00 pm (use code below to join). There are handouts in the NICU with more details about both groups.
- The FAC Coordinator can also match you with another graduate NICU parent for support. A NICU Parent Buddy is a parent who has already had a baby (or babies) in the SBMC NICU and can give you emotional and informational support. Because they have had NICU experiences similar to you, they can give very special support that only another parent who “has been there” can. You can request a “Buddy” by calling the program coordinator at 973-214-6970 or by filling out a yellow NICU Parent Buddy Program info sheet (found in the NICU Social Workers office).
- Try to maintain good self-care and improve your sense of control. The NICU and all the COVID-19 changes in the world can really ruin your sense of control over your daily life. It’s important to try to maintain some balance wherever possible (get enough sleep, try to eat healthy, get some physical exercise as many days of the week as you can, avoid drugs and alcohol, accept circumstances that you cannot change and focus on what you can, practice the belief that you can get through this).
Interestingly, many of the tips that NICU graduate parents have shared in past newsletters to help you cope with the “NICU roller-coaster ride” are as powerful today in these times of COVID-19. They are reprinted here:
- If possible, try to stay positive and think about getting ready to take your baby home one day.
- If it hurts, don’t keep it to yourself. If you are sad or having other powerful emotions find a good listener and tell them how you feel. This may be a spouse, friend, parent, religious leader, or a NICU buddy – who may have felt the same feelings you are.
- Remind yourself how good the care is that your baby is getting at SBMC and that the doctors and nurses are doing everything they can in an effort to have your baby go home as healthy as possible one day!
- Try to get as much rest as possible. This is a MUST, especially for moms recovering from delivery and pumping breastmilk or breastfeeding. Don’t be opposed to a quick power-nap sitting at your baby’s bedside.
- Eat nutritious meals. Eating well is an important part of the recovery process. Also, you will need to take in about 500 calories more a day than usual for each baby you are pumping or nursing for. Eat more smaller meals if you don’t have a big appetite and take friends/families up on offers to cook for you if you are lucky enough to get them.
- Make sure to drink enough fluids. If you are pumping or nursing you should be drinking at least 6-8 glasses of water or other non-caffeinated drinks each day.
- Accept practical offers of help. Sometimes friends and family offer to help but don’t know how. Asking them to help with things like meals, child care or household chores could create more time for you and your spouse to focus on your NICU baby, your other children and each other.
- Limit the number of phone calls you accept. It can be exhausting to retell your baby’s status/progress each day to many people. Consider using group texts or emails to reach out to many people at once. Or you can choose one person to update and then have them update others you want to have information.
- Try to make the most of the time when you are here in the NICU. If you are on a tight schedule with time try to spend time at the NICU when your baby is awake and alert. Whenever you see your baby’s nurses let them know you want to try to be there when your baby is awake and they can usually tell you when they will be fed or bathed so you can be there too.
- Above all, be patient with your baby and with yourself. You and your baby will heal in your own way and your own time. A common feeling NICU parents experience is guilt but remember “feeling” and “being” are two different things. Feeling guilty or feeling like a failure is not the same as being guilty or being a failure. Try to focus on the idea that you are doing the best you can and your best can get better with patience, practice, self-care, and professional help if needed.
Visit our website for more NICU family education and information.