Having a baby or babies in the NICU is scary right? Well yes, but it can also feel downright terrifying for some! NICU parents often watch their babies struggle to eat, to grow, and often just to breathe. It’s no wonder a number of recent online articles and medical journal articles reveal higher rates of depression, anxiety and even post-traumatic stress disorder in NICU moms and yes, in dads too. They also show these rates to be higher for up to a year after NICU babies come home. These parents are often juggling numerous stressors (e.g. being out of work, costs of hospitalization or spending extended time at the hospital) on top of worrying about their baby and their future.
Almost all NICU parents experience some grief which can be supported and talked about and generally lessens once they can sleep better, eat better, see the baby improving, and are hopeful about taking them home. Sometimes though it does not improve, and indeed it worsens and turns into clinical depression and/or anxiety which they feel they cannot control and may need the help of medication and/or psychotherapy. The most important thing you can do as a parent is to be open and honest with medical providers and friends/family about how you feel. No one can help you get the services you need unless you tell them. Often for women it is their OBGYN that needs to hear about their mood at follow up visits. Please don’t assume because you feel like you “seem sad” when visiting the NICU that will translate to your doctor knowing how you are feeling. You must tell them what you are thinking and feeling beyond just the initial terrified feelings we mentioned earlier. If they are not listening or do not seem to think your low mood as a NICU parent is as serious as you do, check in with your regular doctor as well.
In recognition of May being Mental Health Awareness month NICU graduate parents will be posting on the hospital NICU facebook page about mental health in general and after having a NICU baby. Feel free to check it out and join in the conversation.
Graduate NICU parents from Saint Barnabas Medical Center (SBMC) have also shared these emotional tips, based on their experiences, to try to help you get through “the NICU roller-coaster ride:”
- If possible, try to stay positive and think about getting ready to take your baby home one day.
- If it hurts, don’t keep it to yourself. If you are sad or having other powerful emotions find a good listener and tell them how you feel. This may be a spouse, friend, parent, religious leader, or a NICU buddy – who may have felt the same feelings you are.
- Remind yourself how good the care is that your baby is getting at SBMC and that the doctors and nurses are doing everything they can in an effort to have your baby go home as healthy as possible one day!
- Graduate parents, who are where you are now, also had these suggestions for trying to balance NICU life with outside life:
- Try to get as much rest as possible. This is a MUST, especially for moms recovering from delivery and pumping breastmilk or breastfeeding. Don’t be opposed to a quick nap sitting at your baby’s bedside, even if you were never much of a nap person before.
- Eat nutritious meals. You may not feel much like grocery shopping or cooking while your baby is in the NICU but eating well is an important part of the recovery process. Also, you will need to take in about 500 calories more a day than usual for each baby you are pumping or nursing for. Eat more smaller meals if you don’t have a big appetite and do take friends/families up on offers to cook for you if you are lucky enough to get them.
- Make sure to drink enough fluids. If you are pumping or nursing you should be drinking at least 6-8 glasses of water or other non-caffeinated drinks each day.
- Accept practical offers of help. Sometimes friends and family offer to help but don’t know how. Asking them to help with things like meals, child care or household chores could create more time for you and your spouse to focus on your NICU baby, your other children and each other.
- Limit the number of phone calls and/or visits you accept. It can be exhausting to retell your baby’s status/progress each day to many people. Consider using email or text groups to reach out to many people at once. Or you can choose one person to update and then have them update others you want to have information.
- Try to make the most of the time when you are here in the NICU. If you are on a tight schedule with time (due to work and/or needs of other children at home…) try to spend time at the NICU when your baby is awake and alert. Whenever you see your baby’s nurses let them know you want to try to be there when your baby is awake and they can usually tell you when they will be fed or bathed so you can be there too.
- Above all, be patient with your baby and with yourself. You and your baby will heal in your own way and your own time. A common feeling NICU parents experience is guilt but remember “feeling” and “being” are two different things. Feeling guilty or feeling like a failure is not the same as being guilty or being a failure. Try to focus on the idea that you are doing the best you can and your best can get better with patience, practice, self-care, and professional help if needed.
Visit the NICU Webite for more family education and information.