From the Desk of
Joseph Donnellan, MD
Medical Director
With the excitement of opening day this week, my thoughts turn to all the ways that baseball, the great American pastime, is a metaphor for life. Hanging out at Little League and softball fields over the past 20 years and watching the different coaching styles, as well as working with eating disorder patients with their typical, "if I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t want to do it all" attitude, I have some interesting observations.
I had a patient recently tell me that she didn’t want to play softball because she might not be good enough and didn’t want to let the team down. How many of us have been afraid to step up to the plate for fear of striking out?
We all want to win. And that’s a good thing. We should want to win. Winning is great! But a more important lesson is learning how to lose. Sounds like something a loser would say? I would argue not. Winning is not the issue. The issue is trying to win. Sounds too obvious you say?
I’m thinking of a patient a while back who was a member of her school swim team. She told me every time she was in a race, she would hold back a little bit. That way if she didn’t break the state record, she could tell herself that it was because she wasn’t trying. If she gave it her all and didn’t come out on top, she would consider herself a failure.
I think any parent familiar with Little League can identify with the frustration of their kid striking out because they didn’t swing the bat. "If I swing the bat, I might miss. If I don’t swing, maybe I’ll walk." How many times have I heard the coach say, "Striking out is ok, not swinging the bat isn’t."
In life we have to take risks. Not stupid ones, but we have to put ourselves in a position where failure "is" an option. Only then does success become an option, as well. Not only is failure acceptable, it is necessary. As my patients have heard me say many times, "When do we learn more? When we do it right or when we mess it up?" You know the obvious answer, but we only learn if we have the courage to look at our mess-ups and not sweep them under the rug.
The losing pitcher will walk off the mound in disgust, but after beating himself up for a few minutes, he will then watch the video and see where he can improve.
A few of the coaches I observed over the years were so into winning that you could feel the tension in the players. For the most part, my kids were lucky and had great coaches. Jack was the best. You could frequently hear Jack yelling to an outfielder, "Mary, are we having fun? Let me see you smile!" Jack wanted to win as much as any coach, but he knew that if his players were not having fun, they were not going to play well. I think there’s a message in there somewhere. By the way, Jack’s team won the Hillsborough championship more often than not.
How sad it is to not want to try because you might not be good enough. What would we be able to participate in if we had to know that we would be good at it before we even tried? Not too many kids playing Little League in New Jersey today are going to make the Majors. But perhaps they can learn how to have fun even if they aren’t perfect, to develop their skills and improve to their personal best and learn the essentials of that critically important concept we call teamwork. And perhaps they can discover on that field that by getting through our losses, we can more enjoy our wins.
So, I hope everyone enjoys the spring and please, don’t be afraid to "swing the bat".
By the way, Derek Jeter made 254 errors during his career and struck-out 1,840 times.
PLAY BALL !!
-J. Donnellan, M.D.